Don’t Ever Utter The N-Word If You Want To Feel Good About Yourself

Anger, shame, depression, anxiety all result from the use of this word. It is the one word that erodes self-esteem and discourages deeper thought. So ubiquitous that we barely notice its presence. And that word is: Normal. It often starts with people asking themselves: “ Is it normal to…” or “Do most people feel this way” or saying to a partner, “That’s not normal…”

I often interrupt clients multiple times during sessions to point out their use of that word. And “normal” eventually leads people to using the word should, such as:

I should care more about my partner’s needs.

I should be a better dad or mom.

I should eat healthier (or go the gym more or drink less).

I should have more friends.

I should be more successful in my career.

What’s wrong with thinking or feeling that way, sounds perfectly reasonable? The problem is that “should” implies a standard we are not meeting. It’s a way of disowning ourselves, of not living authentically. Basically, it’s a downer!

It’s no secret where so-called normal standards come from, how they get absorbed through our skin from parents, culture and society. Without consciously examining those standards, they become…