What Makes It So Damn Hard To Compromise in Relationships?

“Not enough sex.” We’re fighting all the time.” “I can’t trust him.” Dysfunction in a relationship is not caused by problems like those but HOW they are dealt with. When there is conflict, the need to work with your partner to find a compromise seems so obvious. However, while we routinely and smartly compromise in our work lives, it seems far more difficult to do so in intimate relationships.

The way we perceive interpersonal relationships mostly derives from our culture. Someone growing up in Brazil, India or Peoria will likely have vastly different views on intimacy and the roles played by partners. Beyond that, though, there are more universal factors and beliefs that affect how willing partners are to find middle grounds between their differing needs.

Conflict is not good for a relationship. Partners often shy away from conflict, fearing it could get out of hand, possibly jeopardizing the relationship. Resentment builds up, eventually getting expressed explosively or passive-aggressively.

Sometimes it seems easier just to go-along-to-get-along, not making a big deal out of every little thing. And it’s true that, to a certain extent, choosing our battles with a partner is often an undervalued skill. But making it a practice to avoid conflict, routinely deferring it to some vague later date…